How to get rid of mr. self-pity

Today I'm going to talk about self-pity and how to get rid of it.

One of the most destructive phenomena in our lives is self-pitiness. There's no actual English word for "pitiness", it's misspelled word, but I had to invent it to explain the state full of self-pity.

It came once in our lives, most likely in our childhood, and poisons our lives even during maturity. It is one of the most immature habits that I would as a developer call it "bug", as a programming code error, a bug in your mind. It destroys our ability to achieve goals, it takes out our inner peace and makes us so unhappy. I would say, self-pitiness may kill you.

I'm going to call this "ghost" phenomenon in our lives as "mr. self-pity" (yes, with lowercase). Normally this guy (or girl) arises when we are too young to understand its destructive power in our lives.

When mr. self-pity was born?

So, here's when it's born, most of the time. You are a child, your parents love you, and because they love you, they tend to give you the best, or what you are asking for. Sometimes, our parents cannot give us what we want (and most likely they shouldn't) and you start your little, innocent manipulation. So, you say: "if you don't give me what I want then I'll pretend to be a pity". And if it worked, you try again, and again so this creates a pattern. At the early age patterns are created very easy. At that moment, mr. self-pity arises, now officially born. Ready to get your attention as much as he can in whatever situation when you don't get what you want.

He doesn't hesitate to come into your life as your mentor in achieving things you cannot get from others. So, "mr. i will help you" does his best and gives his advice on what you should do and how to manipulate in order to achieve what you want.

Does he really help you?

Instead of helping you, he does totally the opposite. You will never ever achieve anything long-term listening to mr. self-pity. His advice is not based on a win-win solution. Because he manipulates you in order to get your attention, his advice sounds similar: well, to manipulate others. Of course, this won't work for long as nobody will want to deal with you as a manipulator. Maybe your partner, your spouse, for a while, because he/she loves you. But finally, this will end, in the most painful way for you.

mr. self-pity doesn't exist, actually

mr. self-pity doesn't actually exist, in terms of physical existence. He is a ghost, and the only way for him to exist is to get your attention. He lives and is fueled by your attention. That's how ghosts come in our lives and live with us, draining our life energy, and mental and body power. If you know mr. self-pity, you know what I mean.

Can I get rid of mr. self-pity?

Now that you know you have an mr. self-pity in you, an obvious question might be: but how to get rid of him?

Well, you cannot get rid of mr. self-pity as long as you try to get rid of him. He must go by himself, he must just leave you. You have to create a totally uncomfortable ambiance for him, and slowly but surely he will leave your life. No attention from you, no power to exist, and "he" leaves you.

A massive amount of energy will then be released that you can use to achieve goals, concentrate on what's really important in your life, and become a better person.

What is the technique?

I have a simple but perfect technique to get rid of mr. self-pity. Actually, two, similar techniques, and both techniques will perfectly work!

The first technique

The first technique will be more oriented to religious people to whom the creator of everything is called "God". Yes, at this point you know what I mean! The technique is, when mr. self-pity comes, you just start praying. Praying is like meditation (yeah, the second technique) that does a lot! It brings us inner peace and calms our minds and that is what mr. self-pity doesn't like. He doesn't like our unshakable state of mind.

And it doesn't matter that God won't give you what you want or what you are asking for, he's too busy for your little troubles and desires. He's busy with something greater.

In our case we pray not to ask but to say "thank you", to be and feel thankful for what we already have. This brings us peace with ourselves and makes us feel good. The "thankful" state is so powerful that it comes with lots of benefits for our soul and body-mind. Don't believe me - just try it!

The second technique

The second technique is for everyone, no matter of the belief who's the creator of everything or even if there is one. It is a well-known meditation practice.

All you need to do when mr. self-pity comes, is to sit down and meditate. No preparation, no playing relaxing music, just sit and start meditating. There's no time for preparation, mr. self-pity is so tricky, he has a master degree in sales, and he's a great sales agent and he will sell his advice you wouldn't even notice.

So, you should act immediately with no hesitation!

What's meditation? We all know that word, but what it means?

Meditation is a state of mind without thoughts. You may have heard of meditation (or got an explanation) from gurus and spiritual teachers. Normally, meditation gurus tell you to concentrate only on one thought, or on your breath. That's because, from start, you cannot be in a state without thoughts, so you reduce all thoughts to one since that is easier. The last thought must cease too, and that is what meditation is.

So, concentrate on your breath or one thought only. Ideally is to concentrate on the sound "Om", by repeating the long "Om, om, om" in your mind. That's it. One thought until there's no one.

And it helps! Why? Because by praying or meditating we started to be unavailable to mr. self-pity. He's now angry or even more pity, and he leaves us. For a while. He will come again and again.

But know, when he comes, that will be an immediate trigger to the action! Actually to non-action. To pray or meditate, so you just need to choose what fits best for you.

You may say "why I should pray or meditate if can just concentrate on the other thought or things?". Well, you have already tried that multiple times. And it works? If the mr. self-pity still comes to you then it didn't work. It simply does not work that way.

How long to practice

But for how long do we have to use the techniques? How long to pray, how long to meditate?

Well, you can practice to the point when you feel that mr. self-pity is gone.

Considering our busy lifestyle and the fact we have to work, a 15 minutes practice will be enough. I mean quality practice here. No hesitation, no procrastination, no preparation, just start practicing when you feel pity.

With each and every practice you will start to feel better. And you have a perfect trigger! Once you start feeling pity, you know, there's mr. self-pity somewhere around whispering about something and giving advice.

Those are two simple but very powerful ways to get rid of mr. self-pity. You can start your practice today and whenever you feel necessary. It's a proven method that works long-term.

To summarise the above mentioned

• Self-pity is a state of mind absolutely destructive to ourselves and the people around us
• Most likely you got to live with mr. self-pity in your childhood as a tool to manipulate your relatives
• Self-pity state of mind will never help you but rather destroys your relationship with others
• mr. self-pity is a ghost that lives only because you give him the power with your attention
• The easiest way to get rid of mister pity is to let him go by not giving your control to him
• The first technique is to pray by being thankful for all good you have in life
• The second technique is to start meditating when you hear mr. self-pity whispering
• You should start practice immediately when you feel pity until the state is gone or at least 15 minutes

Have you had to deal with mr. self-pity?

What's your technique? Tell us in the comments section below!

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P.S. I am still far from the best writer, but I get help from the Grammarly app. If you are like me, I recommend you to try Grammarly.